Surprise, surprise. I blog about my mom and her beginning? stages? of dementia? (It took a few days for me to wrap my head around before putting words down. Been beating myself up over it while hiding from her at home for a few days (aka-BAD DAUGHTER) and then my friend messages me and says SHE JUST TOO CAME TO THIS REALIZATION WITH HER OWN MOTHER THIS WEEKEND.
I mean, I know people who spend lots of time together sync cycles and all, but sync realizing our mothers who drive us insane have dementia cycles too? Oh, universe you are a funny beast.
Tonight I visited my mom for the first time after coming to this realization. WAIT, not true, I popped in Monday with breakfast sandwiches for about 15 minutes before work. TONIGHT was the first extended visit with mom. As I might have said before, I believe I’ve now spent more time with her in the past month than I have in the last five years combined. Our relationship is…well, difficult. And we are not in each other’s lives daily. Before smartphones, it wasn’t even weekly, but after she learned how to use Facebook and connect with texting it has been a bit more frequent. But still. Not what one would call the typical mother-daughter relationship.
Tonight, I noticed mom telling the same story to me again, but this time I wasn’t annoyed. I was wondering if she was doing it because, well, this is what she does, she tells stories over and over because she needs to talk. But nope. I don’t think it was. It felt to me that it was her first time telling me. Several different stories, not important ones, just something about spaghetti and one about her finger. But still. I noticed. And it felt different. I started feeling sad. I wonder if she knows. I wonder how I’m going to start to ask her these questions…
I spoke to my brother about these things after visiting for a few hours. And he was right there where I was before tonight. “Mom is like that, it’s hard to believe…” I mean she could have some dementia, but when you live your life with someone who well, has several undiagnosed mental illnesses, it is sadly the norm instead of the exception.
God, I wonder how long this has been going on?
I get off the phone with my brother, fill in the husband on our conversation and then the husband turns back on the episode of NCIS he started to watch.
Torres admires the fact that Marie is an “original cougar,” but Quinn sets him straight, explaining that her mother is “nuts” and she refers to her as “Marie” because she’s basically the mother in the relationship.
UM—–the next scene in front of me? Has Quinn talking to her mom—–ABOUT HOW HER DAD DIED YEARS AGO AND SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER. Are you actually kidding me? A side story line about a daughter dealing with a mother and dementia—-AT THIS EXACT MOMENT?
Two other synchronicities to mention about this particular example.
- While I was speaking to my brother on the phone about this very subject, the husband interrupted and asked me if I wanted to watch NCIS with him. Which I thought was ODD. I did go in the bedroom and say I was going to lay down for a bit and he asked if I wanted to watch, I said maybe. So when it came on and I was on the phone, he was just following up to be nice because he could DVR it and we could watch together. At that moment he asked, I thought it was rude, he obviously knew I was on the phone and talking about my mom. What was the big deal? I told him to just go ahead and start it without me…he did…and when I got off the phone, that was the scene in front of me.
- The friend I mentioned above who is figuring out her mom is also dealing with dementia? Is the person who got us started watching this version of NCIS in the first place. Ok, this one is s stretch, but it DID occur to me. So, coincidence let it be.