But What AM I Afraid Of?

I just had a wee chat with my Joey about the blog, and writing, and spiritual awakening and…

ACK!

It’s scary as hell to put yourself out there!

Why though? I feel pretty confident after these 43 years in my own skin, for the most part with goings on in my life, but this? All of this stuff over here has me feeling unsure and loopy and overthinking and crazy. Mind you I 1000% support lots of my friends who have these gifts and are in the process of developing them, but for myself…not so much.

I wonder why.

What am I afraid of? (Other than people thinking I’m crazy? Cause I’m not afraid to publicly write about mental illness—that’s crazy, right?)

When I first started blogging years and years and years ago (14 years to be exact!) I started lots of rants about politics and goings on in my community. Mind you this was before the social media revelation—-no Facebook or Twitter. All those online magazine blog type things were just barely starting to come to fruition.  Political blogging was actually sort of popular—and I had a lot to say. So much in fact that PRI (Public Radio International) contacted me for a story. I declined, because well, I was also working at a local nonprofit and I felt like I had to be careful between my opinions and my opinions being projected on to those of my employer. This is something I’ve always been conscientious about.

Over the years my blogging has helped create my professional life and existence in the community, people know me by my blog name. I’ve been in the newspaper and local magazines etc.

I’ve landed in a position where I’m in business for myself basically, and if someone doesn’t want to do business with me for some reason they saw me write about, well, then I probably wouldn’t be a good fit anyhow. See confidence! I got the swagger!

But not…spiritual swagger.

Ooh, spiritual swagger. I like that. I like that a lot.

I’ve started this year to post on Twitter A LOT MORE spiritual/inspirational content. I’ve openly discussed my journey of discovering I’m an EMPATH (as in YES THANK GOD THERE’S A WORD FOR IT!) Yet I’m not able to share these posts on my regular blog yet?

Why?

What am I afraid of? (Who am I afraid will be reading?) Why hide at all? This blog is public, I link to my regular content and use my real name…it’s not that I’m trying to be anonymous, I’m just not—-well, I’m still hiding behind a curtain.

I feel free when writing. And I hate hiding.

So something has to give soon…but not *quite* yet.

There’s a comfort in knowing I’ve shared this page with like minded friends…and a comfort in knowing that 99% of the time no one is checking in and reading. 2 visitors a day, I’m good with that. Like I said this is for me—-and I feel free when writing.

Advertisements
But What AM I Afraid Of?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s