Not really sure what to call what happened earlier tonight other than a breakdown/through. I was on my way home from my mentoring group and I just start ranting to myself in the car just yelling about how enough was enough…that I no longer wanted to feel the way I was feeling.
When I got home and walked through the door I just dropped to my knees and let the tears flow along with my continued ranting. In all of that ranting I realized what it was that I had been sad/angry/resentful about, I realized that I have been beating myself up for not being my parents definition of perfection and have been craving to have them to tell me they are proud of me for something I have done that I need to make my own definition perfection, that the only one that needs to be proud of me is me.
I am on my knees as I cast my sadness, anger and resentment onto the foot of the cross of the Divine.
In there place I claim love, joy, grace, and dominion in there place. I ask the Divine to wrap me in all these things and me to feel his unending love, joy, grace and dominion in my life. I open myself to your divine calling and trust that the Divine will show me my next right step.
When it was done I stood up and made my dinner…lol. I knew at that moment that everything that I had holding onto was finished, that my sense of calm was that of true grace. That the Divine had stepped in and had wrapped me in his embrace giving me the clarity that I have been seeking. I will continue to listen to his guidance as I am his willing servant. I will be the seer and the healer that he has been calling me to be. I surrender to his grace with faith that it will bring me abundance in all that I am asked to do. If I falter I know the Divine will be there to lift me up and show me the grace that I have forgotten to show myself.
I know I will stumble and fall but it is in the grace with which I get back up and continue on my path of faith that is what true unconditional love for self is about.