I wonder…

I wrote this last night over at All Things Jennifer but I really need to expand my thoughts over here.

Since this depression doesn’t feel like my normal and I have been on my Zoloft. Could this really be a side effect of my empath tendencies coming from what I’m going through with my mom? Is some (part, all, most?) of this depression not even mine and coming from my mom because I’m in such close proximity with her right now?

  • Physically, she is five minutes away and I’ve probably spent more time with her in the last month than I have in the last five years combined.
  • Emotionally, I’ve always had a challenging relationship with my mom and when things go upside down and awry I always look inward because I am SO MUCH LIKE HER.
  • Spiritually, the cord is thick. I believe she is going through an enlightenment period as well…she has these gifts too…I’ve known this as a child. It was just never discussed or developed before, well, now.

Colleen sent Joey and I this link the other day: Seven Signs You’re On The Verge Of Transforming Your Life

If you are about to transform in some significant way, you may find yourself wanting to sleep more often, or find it harder to wake up.

This may be because your brain is working hard to process what you want from your future, even if you’re entirely unaware of the beginning stages of this arduous process!

I’ve read this thought in a few places lately. Is this true? If so, well…maybe that explains some of the sleepy, sadness and depression and why my normal—medicine—isn’t cutting it anymore?

Only time will tell suppose.

ASIDE: For some reason today, the I key on the keyboard is sticky. HAHAHAHA. How can I focus on Me, Myself and I when the keyboard won’t even let me type out the letter? I have to push down EXTRA HARD each time. And each time, it’s a reminder. I. I. I. Need to take care of ME. MYSELF AND I. (Ok universe, I got the message, can I have my keyboard back to normal please and thank you?)

I think I might keep going with this article since there are still more thoughts in my head about it.

1. Relationships Are Ending

Hmmm. I don’t know if this is the case with me, but I do know I don’t have the desire to be as peripherally friendly lately. OF COURSE this is how I get when I’m depressed, I tune people out. It’s a little like that but more—I’ve been looking inward and really have wanted to spend a lot of my time—-with myself. So the time I do have to share with others I’m guarding more carefully. I see this most clearly with my outside of work commitments, right now I don’t want to attend 27 meetings and hang out and see people I’m friendly with. I’d rather be writing or reading. When I do have the time and feel like myself, I’m making time for those close to me. Hmmmm. Maybe this is an ending after all?

2. The Universe Is Talking To You

Yes. All the time. Everywhere. I’m almost thinking I’m making too much of some of these “signs” (see above the keyboard I key sticking—um, it could just be random!) Also, um, what if I find myself talking back to the universe too? Deep thoughts. At least spirit is ALWAYS in my sphere of consciousness lately.

3. Your Sleep Pattern Is Different

(See the point above. I’ve also been ok with getting to bed earlier at times. And yes of course this is because the husband started working and we had a new time schedule a while back, but now we have two cars again. I still find myself going to bed earlier (not necessarily sleeping though…)

4. You Feel Out Of Place

Stuck in a rut—unfulfilling. There’s definitely something going on with this. The WEIRDEST part that I can’t wrap myself around is the fact that I am pretty much living the exact life I want at the exact moment in time. I have a part-time job I enjoy (90% of the time) and additional professional side gigs that make me happy.  I get to work from home most of the time, make my schedule up 100% of the time. So why do I feel like I need/want/should be doing something more/different? (As I was typing those words all I could hear being SCREAMED in my head was GUILT! GUILTY! YOU FEEL GUILTY THAT’S WHY!) I like doing real estate, so why haven’t I dived in yet—still? It’s APRIL. Real Estate will help me feel less guilty for not pulling my share when commissions start to come in. I believe deep down I can succeed in this field, yet I’m still hesitant and hiding. I can’t get past this…and I need to.

5. Old Strategies Aren’t Working

I mentioned this idea above also, maybe it’s not just taking a pill to feel normal anymore. Maybe it’s something more.

6. There’s An Urge To Resolve Old Issues

In reality, you may not be able to resolve all of these types of issues through action, but even processing them in writing (or through self-reflection) can give you the closure you need to get a fresh start.

I believe this is happening in my subconscious dream world. I’ve been having lots of dreams with people from my past, childhood RANDOM people. And I don’t even really know what the dreams are about after waking I just know they are there. Last night? My 3rd-4th grade teacher Mrs. DeJoe and my Con Law Advisor/Mentor from college Professor Seddig were featured. WHY? Doing what? No idea. But after writing this just now it occurred to me that these two teachers are the two PIVOTAL mentors/educators in my life. I loved Mrs. DeJoe like a grandmother, she made me want to be a teacher. And Prof Seddig? He’s  now a Facebook friend and following my life journey, his classes made me want to go to law school. Interesting, maybe I’m deep down trying to forgive myself for the roads not taken?

7. You’re More Emotional

Well, define MORE? I’m pretty emotional to being with.

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I wonder…

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